Tag: Acceptance

From discernment to deconstruction

by Innermost Being, posted in Spiritual Struggles

In recent years, I have heard about Christians deconstructing their faith. Religious deconstruction was a new term for me. I never thought I would need to deconstruct my own faith because my faith in Christ is strong. But recently, I was thrown into an unexpected controversy at my church that has me taking apart what I believe.

Deconstruction is a personalized piecing apart of one’s belief system.  This may include political and religious views, gender roles, race and identity.

Rebekah Drumstra, 3  Stages of Deconstruction

Last year, the elders of my church (of which I am one) began discussing the fact that the denomination has become more liberal with respect to sexual orientation and gender identity. A couple of months ago, the pastor took the issue to the congregation and explained that if we don’t like what the PCUSA is doing, we can go through a process of discernment with the Presbytery and then vote as a congregation on whether to leave the denomination.

Then, the pastor went on a sabbatical for ten weeks and told us to spend the time reading and praying for discernment. When he comes back, the elders will have a special vote on whether to begin the process.

Based on everything I have heard, there are a lot more people in favor of leaving the denomination than staying. A few families have already left the church because they don’t want to be associated with a denomination that affirms LGBTQ and transgender people. People claim that they would welcome them to our church, but that they should be excluded from leadership and that they must be confronted with their sins.

I have been praying a lot and losing sleep struggling with this issue. I have been reexamining what I believe about scripture, what I believe about sexual orientation and gender identity, and what I believe my role is as a follower of Christ. It has been a spiritual struggle on steroids!

The truth is, I have been wrestling with the issues of sexual orientation and gender identity for years because I want to understand. I have gay and lesbian friends. My sister has a grandchild who is nonbinary. I already concluded that people don’t just choose to be different or nonnormative. I believe there are biological reasons for sexual and gender differences that have not yet been fully substantiated by science.

I’ve also had my doubts about the inerrancy of scripture. I have been taught the concept of solo scriptura – that all scripture is inspired by God and is useful for teaching and correcting. But there are parts of scripture that Christians do not follow today, like the Old Testament purity laws. When reading scripture, we take the culture into context. There are scriptures that I don’t take literally. I question the accuracy of the translations of ancient texts. Scholars made decisions about what to include in the Bible. I do believe God inspired the authors, but the authors and translators were not infallible.

All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.

2 Timothy 3:16-17

The gospels, the words of Jesus, are the most useful for teaching and rebuking me for my own sins. Jesus told us the most important commandment: love God with everything you’ve got and love your neighbor as yourself. He did not focus his ministry on sins of the flesh but on sins of the heart. He saved his harshest criticisms for the religious leaders.

The criticism that strikes me as being very relevant to modern-day hypocrites is this one:

But woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you shut the kingdom of heaven in people’s faces. For you neither enter yourselves nor allow those who would enter to go in.

Matthew 23:13

The big thing that I can not overlook in my discernment process is that the same people who do not want to be associated with a denomination that affirms LGBTQ and transgender believers are willing to align themselves with someone who is truly wicked. They choose to support him. His many sins include adultery, sexual abuse of women, bullying and verbally abusive language, profound dishonesty, racism, hatred, malice, the desire for vengeance and retribution, corruption. and greed.

For ten years, I have struggled with being a minority in my church because I refuse to align myself with a man who is the antithesis of Christ. I stayed in the Presbyterian church because my pastors focused on the word of God. But the hypocrisy of the people is finally pushing me out the door. I will be visiting other churches while our pastor is away.

Finally, what is my role as a follower of Christ? It’s loving my neighbor as I love myself, which means loving them unconditionally. It’s doing my best to make sure that no one misses out on the grace of God. It’s leaving judgment to God. It is not shutting the door to the kingdom of God in people’s faces.

Acceptance

by Innermost Being, posted in Word Prompts

What is the greatest gift someone could give you?

I was a painfully shy, quiet child. I didn’t make friends easily. I was uncomfortable being the center of attention. I didn’t talk much, except around family, because it took too long for me to think of what to say. The message I got from teachers and classmates is that the right way to be is outgoing and extroverted. Introversion was a defect.

Thankfully, I felt accepted at home. Mom taught me to accept people for who they are. She modeled acceptance by loving each of us, all eight of us, just as we are. She found something positive in other people and would compliment them and make them feel special.

Acceptance means not trying to change people into who you want them to be and not thinking less of them for not meeting your expectations.

I strive to be a more accepting person, not just of others but also of myself. I fight the tendency to judge others and the temptation to compare myself to others.

Discovering yourself and learning to accept who you are is a life-long journey because a person can change over time (values, beliefs, physically and mentally).

Luke Feldbrugge

Being accepted just as I am with all my flaws and shortcomings is the greatest gift. Thank you, Jesus.

Just as I am, though tossed about
With many a conflict, many a doubt
Fighting and fears within without
Oh, Lamb of God, I come, I come

Just as I am

by Innermost Being, posted in Prayer

Based on my notes on Philip Yancey’s book, Prayer: Does It Make Any Difference?

I am never 100% the real me around other people. I am afraid of being judged, so I hide my true thoughts and feelings. I do reveal more of myself to the people I trust. But even with close friends, I have secrets I’m too ashamed to share. I have hopes and fears I keep to myself.

Philip Yancey wrote that each of us has three selves. There’s the me I let others see, the me I share with the people I trust, and the me I never reveal to anyone.

I can’t hide any part of myself from God. He knows every corner of my mind and heart. When I am honest with God about my thoughts and feelings, I establish an intimate relationship with him. What do I have to lose? He already knows everything about me. He loves me just as I am.

How do I let down my defenses with God and establish an intimate relationship with him?

  1. I confess my sins. I come clean with God about my sins – sins of my body and of my heart. When I confess, I acknowledge the truth about where I stand relative to his holiness.
  2. I admit my helplessness. Although I try to be independent and self-reliant, the truth is I am not. I can’t do everything by myself. I can’t control everything. I am dependent on God for my safety and emotional well-being.
  3. I approach God with humility and gratefulness. God deserves the credit for my gifts and abilities. I have little control over who I am. I cannot take credit for my genetics, my personality, or for the circumstances of my birth.
  4. I admit my doubts. God understands. The Bible is full of stories of people who expressed doubts.
  5. I admit my vulnerabilities. God knows my weaknesses. He knows where it hurts.
  6. I expose myself fully to God. I bring my whole life into God’s presence. I trust God with all of me.

I know that I can approach God in prayer just as I am because God knows me inside and out. I can let down my usual defenses and be my true self.

O Lord, you have searched me and known me!
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
    you discern my thoughts from afar.
You search out my path and my lying down
    and are acquainted with all my ways.
Even before a word is on my tongue,
    behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.
You hem me in, behind and before,
    and lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
    it is high; I cannot attain it.

Psalm 139:1-6

Who’s the old lady?

by Innermost Being, posted in Random 
Who's the old lady in the mirror
with the frizzy, graying hair?
Her appearance is so unexpected,
she's given me quite a scare.

Who's the old lady in the mirror
with my mama's jowls and eyes?
Her face is so much like my own,
it has taken me by surprise!

Who's the old lady in the mirror
with the waddle in her neck?
She's much older than I feel inside.
I think to myself, what the heck!

I smile at the lady in the mirror.
Her smile matches mine to a tee.
I see the gentle spirit in her eyes;
This old lady is beautiful to me.

Accepting One Another

by Innermost Being, posted in Spiritual Growth

God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it’s me!

Earlier this year, I read Max Lucado’s book, How Happiness Happens, with a group of women at my new church. I bought the study guide that goes with the video study though we didn’t watch it. I found some thought provoking questions in the study guide: Whom would you consider your “opposite you”? How do you typically interact with this person?

Bear with one another in love

If you’ve ever struggled to deal with someone who is your opposite, you know how difficult it is to accept the differences. I consider my boss my opposite me. I’m an introvert; he’s an extrovert. I prefer to communicate by email; he prefers to talk on the phone. I’m responsive to emails; he ignores them. I get things done timely, even early; he procrastinates and does things at the last minute. I could go on and on about how his opposite of me ways get on my nerves.

I am outwardly patient with the opposite me but it has been a struggle. I accept that I can’t change him; I’ve tried. I have no choice but to bear with him. I resent him for not being a person I can depend on. And yet, I can also tell you that he is a friendly, lighthearted, and positive person. He shows his appreciation and is contrite when he lets me down.

It is easy for me to focus on character flaws and personality differences and to ignore strengths and positive attributes. Lucado devoted a chapter of How Happiness Happens to pet peeves. When we focus too much on pet peeves, we’re the ones who suffer. Our reaction to these annoyances robs us of our joy. It is not enough to bear with each other. We must do so in complete humility and love.

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.

Ephesians 4:2

Speak the truth in love

How do you deal with the person with which you fundamentally disagree?

It is often best to keep your mouth shut when you disagree. Choose your battles. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Having said that, there have been times I’ve wished that I had spoken up when someone in my church small group said something fundamentally inconsistent with the teachings of Jesus.

Jesus did not hesitate to call out religious people who “neglected the more important matters of the law—justice, mercy and faithfulness” (Matthew 23:23). Jesus did not hesitate to say something to those who “shut the door of the kingdom of heaven in people’s faces” (Matthew 23:13). He was full of both grace and truth (John 1:14). When we speak the truth in love, we help others to grow.

Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.

Ephesians 4:15

Accept one another, as Christ accepted you

May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had, so that with one mind and one voice you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.

Romans 15:5-7

What does it mean to accept one another as Christ accepted you? Christ accepts us just as we are, sinful and imperfect. Just as he saw the potential in sinners and in his own imperfect disciples, he sees the potential in every one of us. His love is not conditional.

What’s the difference between accepting someone and tolerating someone?

To me, the word tolerate has negative connotations. It means enduring or putting up with someone or something unpleasant or disliked. No one wants to endure someone or something unpleasant. It takes effort. Tolerating another person often comes with a grudging or resentful attitude.

In contrast, the word accept is positive. Acceptance is consenting to receive or to take something to oneself. To accept is to welcome. To accept another person is to treat them as if they matter.

Think about what it feels like to not be accepted. It feels like rejection. It feels like being excluded. It feels like you don’t matter to the person who won’t accept you unconditionally.

We often refuse to accept another person as they are, without judgment, because we think they should change – to be more like us. But none of us is perfect. God doesn’t ask us to fix other people. We are called to accept them as they are and to entrust them to the Redeemer, to the One who can change them.

What does it mean to have the same attitude of mind that Jesus had? Christ Jesus, even though he is one with God, humbled himself and served others.

Who, being in very nature God,
    did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;
rather, he made himself nothing
    by taking the very nature of a servant,
    being made in human likeness.
And being found in appearance as a man,
    he humbled himself
    by becoming obedient to death—
        even death on a cross!

Philippians 2:5-8

Lord, thank you for accepting me and loving me just as I am, flawed and in need of redemption. I confess that I have not always accepted others as You accepted me. Humble me and help me to have the same attitude of mind toward others that You have. Help me to stop worrying about a speck of dust in another’s eye while ignoring a log in my own. Give me the wisdom to see the ways I let You down. Help me to see and appreciate the potential in others and to bear with them in love. Help me to be more like You. Amen.