Tag: Hope

Preparing to tell my story

by Innermost Being, posted in Spiritual Growth

I have been staying after church for a group study on “everyday evangelism,” which made me think about my faith story. I’ve shared some of what follows before on my blog but have never spoken about it publicly.

Salvation

Dad always took us kids to church. Mom stayed home. She grew up going to church like he did, so I didn’t understand why she didn’t come with us.

When I was about nine years old, my Sunday school teacher led me to faith in Jesus. I don’t recall the Bible story. I don’t recall the words of her invitation. I don’t remember the words of my response. But for years, I could remember the feeling of joy.

In retrospect, I can see that God’s timing was perfect. The hardest years of my life were ahead of me, but I had a faithful friend with me. My faith gave me hope.

But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect…

1 Peter 3:15

I started reading the Bible every day. In sixth grade, I went to AWANA Bible studies. I was active in Youth for Christ until we moved after my sophomore year.

Meanwhile, my home life was tumultuous. My parents argued and even separated a couple of times. I thought they were arguing about the lack of money because there were too many mouths to feed.

Mom and Dad divorced when I was twelve. Mom got custody of the seven of us. Dad moved to another city and remarried within a year or so.

We kids continued to go to church on our own.

The year after the divorce, Mom had another baby. We questioned her about the father. He was someone we knew; my older sister and I babysat his children a few times. Mom managed to keep their relationship a secret.

I was afraid people would find out that our mother had a child outside of marriage and that they would judge us. So when asked about my family – even years later – I pretended that my dad was the father of all of us.

After the divorce, Mom was free to do whatever she wanted. She had a few more sexual relationships, but they were no longer a secret. In pursuing those relationships, she made decisions that were not in our best interests.

Mom told us that Dad had a vasectomy after their fourth child, but that it obviously didn’t work since they had three more kids. I learned the truth as an adult. Mom told my younger sister, child number five, that her father was a coworker who had raped her. She also told the next two kids who their real fathers were.

Knowing what happened to my mom when she was a young mother, I could better understand the choices she made. I can imagine why she wasn’t comfortable in church. I know she felt some shame, or she wouldn’t have lied and kept so many secrets.

The Other Prodigal Daughter

Mom was clearly not a good example for us kids to follow. All three of my younger sisters got pregnant in high school.

I was determined to go to college and make a better life for myself, so I didn’t take any chances. But in a way, I followed in my mother’s footsteps. When I moved away to college, I stopped going to church. I gave into temptations.

I met my husband at my first job after college. He was not a believer. His family did not go to church. I knew that the Bible says not to be unequally yoked, but I told myself it was okay. He is a good man.

The Prodigal Daughter Returns

In the years that I didn’t go to church, I missed it. I knew I should start going again. But it took something shocking to get me back.

We lived in a suburb of Denver. On April 20, 1999, two high school students murdered a teacher and several students at Columbine High School in Littleton, Colorado. I was devastated. I couldn’t imagine what would make kids do something so evil.

I needed to be with other people of faith. I went to the church that I often drove by,  Hope United Methodist. It was comforting to be with people who shared my faith in God.

My faith story is a long one. It has its ups and downs. It shows that when you belong to Jesus, he will never let you go.

My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father’s hand.

John 10:27-29

God loves me just as I am – flawed, selfish, struggling to be good. No matter how messed up I am, He sees a person worthy of mercy and forgiveness.

I have hope because God is good all the time. I have hope because He is in control. He is faithful; he has been with me through all the storms of my life. He will not let me go.

Struggles produce character

by Innermost Being, posted in Word Prompts

What experiences in life helped you grow the most?

The hardest experiences in my life helped me grow the most. I’ve had difficult experiences as an adult, but the difficulties of my childhood developed character that has lasted a lifetime.

I didn’t have a stable childhood. We moved a lot. My parents separated a few times and divorced when I was twelve. I spent my teenage years living with mom and seven siblings. Mom made impulsive, selfish decisions that weren’t in our best interests.

The experience of being poor taught me that money and material things are not the most important things in life. Love is more important. Being a good person is more important. Finding purpose and meaning are more important.

Being poor taught me the value of hard work but also of self-denial. I can do without and still be happy. I can delay satisfaction. Good things are worth waiting for.

When we were poor, there were people who looked down on us. I learned that my worth was not dependent on social status. I am a beloved child of God. He accepted me as I am. He gave me the strength to endure hardships. He gave me hope.

As a child, I experienced shame and embarrassment. Those experiences didn’t define me. I rose above them. I persevered. I became determined to have a better life.

Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

Romans 5:3-5

I hear about parents who do everything they can to make sure their kids never have to struggle or fail. They’re not doing them any favors. Struggling helps children grow into resilient adults. Failure teaches kids to keep trying, to persist.

Why, my soul, are you downcast?

by Innermost Being, posted in Man of Lawlessness

These days, my soul is often downcast. Why am I sad? Why am I angry? Why am I worried?

I am sad because this is not the country I once knew. I can’t count on her anymore.

I am sad because people will starve to death and suffer from preventable diseases because the US will no longer use its immense resources to help those in need.

I am sad because the government treats immigrants inhumanely and denies them the right to due process.

I am angry at the lawlessness, selfishness, cruelty, and deception.

I am angry because Christians are complicit.

I worry because this is only the start of his lawlessness.

My pastor said that emotions are terrible masters. There is nothing wrong with having emotions, but you can’t let them  control you. No matter what you’re feeling, God will meet you where you are.

Why, my soul, are you downcast?
    Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
    for I will yet praise him,
    my Savior and my God.

Psalm 42:11

My pastor reminded us not to forget what God has done. Stay grounded in your faith.

Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them fade from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them.

Deuteronomy 4:9

My soul is downcast within me, Lord. But I must remember that I am rooted and established in your love. You are faithful. You will never leave me. Lord Jesus, you are my hope. You are the light in the darkness. Holy Spirit, restore my soul. Renew a steadfast spirit in me.

My soul hopes and groans

by Innermost Being, posted in Man of Lawlessness

My Bible study group is reading The Hope of Heaven: How the Promise of Heaven Changes Everything by Sheila Walsh. In the study guide that accompanies the book, Walsh introduced the Greek word στενάζω (stenazo) for the chapter dealing with disappointment. Stenazo means to groan or sigh inwardly. It can also mean to grumble or complain.

Stenazo perfectly captures how I am feeling these days. I cry out to God in frustration.

It’s hard to hang onto hope. It’s hard to be at peace. It’s hard not to fear the worst. It’s hard not to be angry at the betrayal by people who claim to follow Christ.

Yes, I have hope for myself because I have been promised eternal life in a place where there is no pain and suffering. But I have to live in this broken world now. On a daily basis, I hear about the cruelty and lawlessness perpetrated by a man who has rejected God’s commandment that we love one another, even our enemies, the man who insulted a woman of God for pleading with him to have mercy.

A couple of days ago, I told a Christian friend that my husband used to go to church with me occasionally. I told her that with the current political environment, he refuses to go. She said, “Really. I’m in seventh heaven.” She started to say more but stopped herself. I groaned inwardly.

My heart breaks. My soul groans.

I am disappointed in Christians who voted for an evil man. I find solace in knowing I am not alone. I have Christian allies – people who are not afraid to speak out against Trump’s wickedness, people who refuse to bow down, people who remain faithful followers of Christ.

So as I groan inwardly and cry out to God in frustration, I put my hope in Christ alone, the King of kings.

Revelation 17:13-14 NIV
They have one purpose and will give their power and authority to the beast. They will wage war against the Lamb, but the Lamb will triumph over them because he is Lord of lords and King of kings—and with him will be his called, chosen and faithful followers.”

I groan inwardly, but trust that Christ, the Lord of lords, will ultimately triumph over evil.

Don’t misplace your hope

by Innermost Being, posted in Living in Exile

In a recent sermon series on living in exile, two of the sermons touched on hope. One was titled, Exile is Where Hope Lives. The second was titled, Surprised by Hope, but the gist of it was to not place your hope on earthly things.

My pastor said that we are easily tempted to misplace our hope. We think we can make the world the way we want it to be. We grip the world so tightly. We need to let go.

My pastor steers clear of politics, so he can’t say things plainly. He has to be subtle and hope that his message comes through.

I am not so constrained.

Americans were easily misled. Christians were easily led astray. Millions of people put their hopes for the future in a con man. DJT promised to solve all our problems. Only he can fix it! He has promised to reduce inflation, to create jobs, and to cure imaginary social ills. He has promised to punish our enemies, to make our allies pay, and to throw out the brown skinned people who are taking our jobs and supposedly making our country more dangerous.

Millions of Americans believe that with his power, DJT can make the world the way they want it to be. Make America Great Again! Restore Christian values! (But turn a blind eye to dear leader’s immorality.)

The Bible says that many live as enemies of the cross of Christ. Their destiny is destruction. Their god is their appetite. Their glory is in their shame. How shameful it is to say vile, hateful things while courting Christians!

We need to let go of this world and put our hope in God. Our citizenship is in heaven.

For, as I have often told you before and now tell you again, even with tears, many live as enemies of the cross of Christ. Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is set on earthly things. But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ…

Philippians 3:18-20

Hope in Christ helps us let loose of our grip on false hopes. Hope in Christ keeps us from falling into despair when our hopes are dashed. The return of Christ is our ultimate hope.

Of course, no one knows when Christ will return. So, in the meantime, we must live in this world yet not get overly attached to it. Where the world touches us, let it be lightly.

Wear the world like a loose garment, which touches us in a few places and there lightly.

St. Francis of Assisi

It may  come as a surprise that you can still have hope when you are living in exile. But if you don’t misplace your hope in the first place, you can hang onto it no matter what happens.