Tag: Faith

Preparing to tell my story

by Innermost Being, posted in Spiritual Growth

I have been staying after church for a group study on “everyday evangelism,” which made me think about my faith story. I’ve shared some of what follows before on my blog but have never spoken about it publicly.

Salvation

Dad always took us kids to church. Mom stayed home. She grew up going to church, so I didn’t understand why she didn’t come with us.

When I was about nine years old, my Sunday school teacher led me to faith in Jesus. I don’t recall the Bible story. I don’t recall the words of her invitation. I don’t remember the words of my response. But for years, I could remember the feeling of joy.

In retrospect, I can see that God’s timing was perfect. The hardest years of my life were ahead of me, but I had a faithful friend with me. My faith gave me hope.

But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect…

1 Peter 3:15

I started reading the Bible every day. In sixth grade, I went to AWANA Bible studies. I was active in Youth for Christ until we moved after my sophomore year.

Meanwhile, my home life was tumultuous. My parents argued and even separated a couple of times. I thought they were arguing about the lack of money because there were too many mouths to feed.

Mom and Dad divorced when I was twelve. Mom got custody of the seven of us. Dad moved to another city and remarried within a year or so.

We kids continued to go to church on our own.

The year after the divorce, Mom had another baby. We questioned her about the father. He was someone we knew; my older sister and I babysat his children a few times. Mom managed to keep their relationship a secret.

I was afraid people would find out that our mother had a child outside of marriage and that they would judge us. So when asked about my family – even years later – I pretended that my dad was the father of all of us.

After the divorce, Mom was free to do whatever she wanted. She had a few more sexual relationships, but they were no longer a secret. In pursuing those relationships, she made decisions that were not in our best interests.

Mom told us that Dad had a vasectomy after their fourth child, but that it obviously didn’t work since they had three more kids. I learned the truth as an adult. Mom told my younger sister, child number five, that her father was a coworker who had raped her. She also told the next two kids who their real fathers were.

Knowing what happened to my mom when she was a young mother, I could better understand the choices she made. I can imagine why she wasn’t comfortable in church. I know she felt some shame, or she wouldn’t have lied and kept so many secrets.

The Other Prodigal Daughter

Mom was clearly not a good example for us kids to follow. All three of my younger sisters got pregnant in high school.

I was determined to go to college and make a better life for myself, so I didn’t take any chances. But in a way, I followed in my mother’s footsteps. When I moved away to college, I stopped going to church. I gave into temptations.

I met my husband at my first job after college. He was not a believer. His family did not go to church. I knew that the Bible says not to be unequally yoked, but I told myself it was okay. He is a good man.

The Prodigal Daughter Returns

In the years that I didn’t go to church, I missed it. I knew I should start going again. But it took something shocking to get me back.

We lived in a suburb of Denver. On April 20, 1999, two high school students murdered a teacher and several students at Columbine High School in Littleton, Colorado. I was devastated. I couldn’t imagine what would make kids do something so evil.

I needed to be with other people of faith. I went to the church that I often drove by,  Hope United Methodist. It was comforting to be with people who shared my faith in God.

My faith story is a long one. It has its ups and downs. It shows that when you belong to Jesus, he will never let you go.

My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father’s hand.

John 10:27-29

God loves me just as I am – flawed, selfish, struggling to be good. No matter how messed up I am, He sees a person worthy of mercy and forgiveness.

I have hope because God is good all the time. I have hope because He is in control. He is faithful; he has been with me through all the storms of my life. He will not let me go.

Staying sane in a crazy world

by Innermost Being, posted in Faith and Culture

I think the United States has gone nuts. Seventy-seven million people decided that a convicted felon, a malignant narcissist, was fit to hold the nation’s highest office. They decided that personal character is irrelevant.

I’ve heard the word “unprecedented” used more in the last decade than I did in the previous five. These are crazy, upside down times.

Every day brings news that should be shocking but isn’t. Every day, the president says or does something that would have ended the career of a normal person. But he is not normal. He is amoral. His party exalts and protects him. So, with the support of his enablers, he continues to get away with corruption and lawlessness.

How do I keep from losing my mind when so many disturbing things are happening? How do I find contentment?

First and foremost, faith in God keeps me grounded. No matter what happens, God’s presence gives me comfort and peace. He is sufficient for all my needs.

My faith helps me keep current events in perspective. He is not the first man to do evil in the sight of the Lord. Although I want justice and accountability now, the wicked will not escape God’s justice. I also believe that God is working behind the scenes and that he has a plan.

Second, I am fortunate to live in a beautiful area. Spending time in nature brings me peace and a sense of wonder and joy. I go for walks and stop to look at wildflowers and enjoy the view. I pause to listen to birds singing or squirrels chattering.

No matter how messed up the world is, nature stays the same. The birds stick to their migration patterns. The flowers keep on blooming, and the birds keep on singing.

Third, I am not alone in my distress. I have found many like-minded people who care about truth, justice, and the well-being of others. I am not the only one who sees the foolishness in this administration’s disregard for the environment. I am not the only one who believes that immigrants deserve to be treated with compassion and dignity. I am not the only one who sees the government ignoring the needs of the poor and middle-class while further enriching millionaires.

Many people are shining a spotlight on the corruption and abuses of power. Independent media has been relentless in exposing the truth. Politicians are leaving the Republican party and speaking out against the behavior it supports and condones. Attorneys are filing lawsuits to uphold the laws. Pastors are speaking out about how un-Christ like evangelical “Christians” have become.

Finally, I have a life to live. It’s an ordinary life, but a good life. I have much to be grateful for – a good husband, family, friends, my health, and a home.

I have things to do that make a difference in the lives of others. I have things to say that may make a difference.

Faith is Key to a Life Without Lack

by Innermost Being, posted in Spiritual Growth

In Life Without Lack: Living in the Fullness of Psalm 23, Dallas Willard said that before we can fully experience the sufficiency of God, three things must be at work in us: faith, death to self, and agape love. In the chapter titled Trust in God: The Key to Life, Willard wrote about faith.

What is faith? One of my favorite explanations is found in the book of Hebrews.

Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. This is what the ancients were commended for.

By faith we understand that the universe was formed at God’s command, so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible.

Hebrews 11:1-3 NIV

I don’t have to see God or hear him speak outloud to believe that he exists. I am assured of his existence from the visible things he created.

But faith is more than believing.

Willard noted that faith combines love with the desire for good. A desperate father came to Jesus and asked him to free his son from an impure spirit (Mark 9:14-29). His love for his son was combined with the desire for good.

Some people view faith as superstition. The truth is we all have faith in something. “Faith is simply reliance upon something in both attitude and action.”  You can’t get through life without faith or confidence “that things will be a certain way and what you desire will come to be.” Even non-believers have faith that they can rely on other people or on ordinary everyday things.

Martin Luther King, Jr. is credited with saying that faith is taking the first step even when you can’t see the whole staircase. Several years ago, I acted with faith to quit a miserable job when I didn’t have another job lined up. I had confidence that God would work things out for my good. He did.

Faith goes hand in hand with having a future. The psalmist looked to the future when he said, “Surely your goodness and love will follow me all of my days, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”

Faith has two parts: vision and desire. We see reality as it is and picture what it could be in the future. We hope for what can be. 

Faith comes from hearing about God’s goodness and faithfulness.

Consequently faith comes from what is heard, and what is heard comes through the preached word of Christ.

Romans 10:17 NET

Faith is a gift that comes to those who seek. “You will seek Me and find Me , when you search for Me with all your heart” (Jeremiah 29:13).

When you have faith, it doesn’t mean you never have doubt. We can admit our doubts openly and honestly. Jesus said, “Everything is possible for one who believes,” to which the desperate father  replied, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief.” (Mark 9:23-24)

Faith is not stagnant. We can lose our faith when something bad happens. Pain and suffering can also deepen our faith. Willard used the story of Job to explain three different types of faith.

  • Faith of propriety
  • Faith of desperation
  • Faith of sufficiency

Faith of Propriety

Initially, Job trusted God to be good to him if he lived a proper, godly life. But he did not have peace in his faith. He feared that God would “take down the hedge of protection” that surrounded him. He trusted in his own propriety more than he trusted in God’s goodness.

People with this kind of faith believe you must perform in a certain way and always get things right to earn God’s favor. They believe that God is looking down on them to make sure they are behaving.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to do right! But things can go wrong for us even if we do everything right, even if we are perfectly righteous.

Faith of Desperation

When Job lost everything – his family, his possessions, and his health – his faith became a faith of desperation. His desperate situation led him to a place of need. God showed up in his misery. Job said, “I’ve heard about you, but now I’ve seen you.”

Faith of desperation is trusting in God when things are shaky. It is crying out to him when you have nowhere else to turn. It is trusting in God in your moment of need. It is saying, “Whatever happens, I will trust You.”

I’ve been there – in a place of desperation, where God was my only hope. I cast my cares on him and drew strength from him. Faith puts you into contact with God so you can draw on his resources.

Faith of Sufficiency

Job struggled to make sense out of his suffering and loss. He eventually stopped trying to get God to make everything right. He saw the glory, the greatness, and the sufficiency of God.

The 23rd Psalm is a testament to faith. David, the psalmist, believed that God would provide everything he needed, physically and spiritually. The Lord is my shepherd. I lack nothing…. He restores my soul… He guides me in paths of righteousness for His name’s sake. I will fear no evil, for you are with me.

Focus on Me

by Innermost Being, posted in Faith and Culture

These are troubling times. If you are not disturbed, you’re not paying attention.

As a follower of Christ, there have been many times that I have wished for God to speak to me in a way that left no doubt that it was him. I have asked to hear his voice audibly, like Samuel did.

If you aren’t going to speak to me outloud, God, could you at least make it really clear that it is your voice in my head and not my own??

I no longer watch mainstream news on TV, but I watch YouTube videos and read content on Substack. People are obsessed with covering everything that DJT says and does, and not without reason. The things he does, the things he gets away with, are disturbing to anyone who still has a working moral compass. We want to shout it from the rooftops, “This is not normal! This is not right!”

And yet….because we pay so much attention to him, DJT sucks up all the oxygen in the room. That’s exactly what he wants. He believes he is the center of the universe and that everyone should exalt him.

Last week, I noticed that there was incessant speculation about DJT’s absence from the public eye. Was he sick? Was he dead? He says he wants to get to heaven! Is he sincere? Wait, he’s fundraising off of it!

In the midst of this, I heard the words, focus on me. Three simple words. Focus on me.

I have been encouraged this year by the 23rd Psalm. I’ve memorized and prayed it in the middle of the night. The Lord is my shepherd. I lack nothing. No matter what happens, I belong to him. He is sufficient.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me. No matter how dark things get, even when it seems like evil is winning, I need not fear because God walks with me. His presence comforts me.

You prepare a table for me in the presence of my enemies. My cup overflows. God provides everything I need. Even in the midst of adversity, even when the enemies of truth surround me, I rest in his protection.

Thank you, God, for reminding me that I need to keep my eyes on you and to listen for your voice. You are in control. You restore my soul.

Just One Thing

by Innermost Being, posted in Spiritual Growth

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Romans 12:2

Christians should not be like everyone else. Our values and priorities should be different. We should be so changed by salvation, people might even think we’re weird.

In Craig Groeschel’s book Weird: Because Normal Isn’t Working, he wrote about his weird approach to making New Year’s resolutions. He makes only one New Year’s resolution and that resolution is chosen by someone else. He prays constantly as the new year approaches asking how God wants his life to change.

Instead of having good intentions centered on the self, Groeschel says we should have God intentions centered on what God wants.

How do we know what God wants? We can ask God to reveal his intentions for us and listen for his response. Groeschel suggested some questions to help discern God’s will.

1. What one thing do you desire from God?
2. What one thing do you lack?
3. What one thing do you need to let go?
4. What one promise do you need to claim?

I reflected on these questions for a week and they helped clarify God’s intentions for me for the New Year.

The first question is easy for me to answer. More than anything else, I want my husband to have a relationship with Jesus. Last year, I became upset with him when he refused to go to a church dinner with me. I realized I have to let go and let God.

The second question is harder. The Lord is my shepherd. I lack nothing. But is there one thing that keeps me from whole-heartedly following The Good Shepherd? Is there one issue that God keeps putting on my heart?

I felt the Spirit’s conviction when I read what Groeschel had to say about being a people pleaser:

When we place the approval of other people ahead of doing what we know will please our Father, we’re creating a false idol. Not only does it impair our ability to know God, but it also sends us on a wild-goose chase for a golden egg that doesn’t exist.

Craig Groeschel

At times my desire for social approval keeps me from being myself, from freely sharing my faith. I compare myself to people who seem more successful, talented, or adventurous. I envy them. When I let other people define my worth, I conform to the ways of this world. Even worse, I am not being grateful for the unique talents God has given me.

What one thing do I need to let go to live with God-centered intentions? Groeschel suggested that it might be something from the past, perhaps hurts or failures. I think that measuring myself against other people is a sign of lingering self-esteem issues from my childhood.

Finally, what promise do I need to claim? There are so many promises in God’s word, it’s hard to choose one. I claim this promise:

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

Jeremiah 29:11:13

Heavenly Father, forgive me for envying others. This year, I resolve to please You, my Creator, above all others and to reject the world’s standards of worthiness. I am grateful that you gave me unique talents and experiences. I embrace my weirdness. How wonderful it is that you love me and that You have a plan for me!

Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash