Innermost Being

An Ordinary Story?

April 9, 2023April 9, 2023 by Innermost Being, posted in Random

When I lay down to sleep at night, I begin my prayer with thanks for the day. When I have a bad day, it’s not easy to give God thanks for it. Several weeks ago, I had that kind of day. I had taken a break from work to run errands. When I got home, I couldn’t find my glasses. I was really upset because I had only had these glasses for a few months and they were not cheap!

I had driven to Walgreens that day. I wear prescription sunglasses when I drive, then switch to prescription eyeglasses when I go inside. So I knew I had my glasses on when I shopped. What could have happened to them from the time I left the store to my arrival at home? I looked in my car to see if they fell out of my purse. I called Walgreens to ask if they had been found. They weren’t there. I drove back to Walgreens to see for myself if I had dropped them next to my car.

That night, I prayed that God would help me find my glasses, even though I knew that if I dropped them, they were most likely broken. The next day, I thought to myself, I should look under my car. There they were! One arm was cracked, but the lenses were untouched. How fortunate that I didn’t drive over the lenses when I drove into the garage! I was relieved.

I took my broken glasses to my optician to see if they could be fixed. He made a temporary repair but said the repair wouldn’t last long-term. If I bought the same frames, he said they would put the lenses in them.

My husband found the same model of frames online. The company didn’t have the same color as my broken pair, but there were several other colors, so I ordered a pair. I did not get an email confirming my order. That concerned me. I returned to the website using my browsing history and printed out my order.

When neither the order nor the order confirmation had arrived in a week, I emailed the company. No response. I called and spoke to Jonathan, the optician who runs the website. Sounding frazzled, he told me he had shipped them. When the frames didn’t come after another week, I called again. This time, Jonathan said he wondered whether he had sent them to the wrong address. In the next phone call, Jonathan said that he didn’t have the color I ordered, but he could send me another color. At this point, I didn’t care about the color. When the frames finally arrived, I was so relieved!

This is just an ordinary story, isn’t it? People lose things, even valuable things, every day. But when something you value is lost, you will look everywhere to find it. You will be so excited when you find it, you will want to tell your friends. No matter how damaged your precious thing is, you will do whatever you can to restore it to its rightful condition.

That’s how God views us. We are so precious to him. He will not stop pursuing us until we are found. We may appear damaged and beyond repair, but not to God.

Read Luke 15. Those who are lost are precious to God. Jesus told three stories to get this point across.

Rejoice with me. My precious child was lost, and now he is found!

In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”
Luke 15:10 NIV

The Antidote to Envy

March 3, 2023March 3, 2023 by Innermost Being, posted in Spiritual Struggles

The tenth commandment says you shall not covet your neighbor’s house or anything that belongs to your neighbor. I don’t covet money or possessions. I tend to envy certain people for their achievements – like classmates who have done very well or colleagues with impressive titles.

And I saw that all toil and all achievement spring from one person’s envy of another. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.
Ecclesiastes 4:4, NIV

In his book Signature Sins: Taming the Wayward Heart, Michael Mangis says that envy is about “one’s place in the world.” Envy reflects dissatisfaction with who God made you to be. Envy is never content. When you envy another, you may think that God is withholding what you deserve.

There are many downsides to envy besides ungratefulness. Envy blinds you to your own gifts. Envying someone else is a huge waste of time and energy, like chasing the wind. Even worse, envy can lead to other sins.

For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.
James 3:16, NIV

Sins have opposite virtues. Mangis calls these opposites antidotes. Antidotes to envy include gratitude, contentment, and satisfaction.

I choose to fight envy with affirmations of my worth and praise to my Creator.

I am uniquely and wonderfully made. (The use of the word “fearfully” in Psalm 139:14 has always puzzled me.)

Thank you, God, for my unique talents and interests, for my spiritual gifts, and for the fruit the Spirit is producing in me. You created me with a purpose far more important than any career.

I am a beloved child of God.

Thank you, Father, for choosing me as your own. You know my name! I am precious to you. Thank you for loving me so much that you want to transform me. You discipline the ones you love.

I have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

Salvation is my most precious gift. Thank you, Lord, for redeeming me. You paid the ultimate price for my sins and you are my best friend.

Affirmations and praise are good, but I must also change the way I view other people. Regard no one from a worldly point of view. When I am tempted to envy others, may I instead lift them up in prayer.

So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation.
2 Corinthians 5:14-19

Am I trying to please people?

February 24, 2023January 21, 2025 by Innermost Being, posted in Spiritual Struggles

At the beginning of the year, I prayerfully made my New Year’s resolution: please God above everyone else and reject the world’s definition of worthiness. The “and” makes it seem like two resolutions. It’s really one; I can’t live a life that is pleasing to God if I continue to seek validation from people.

Since then, I’ve read devotions and scripture that speak to the issues I’ve struggled with. I’ve been busy and haven’t made the time to really reflect on my resolution. Now, it is the Lenten season, and I hope to use this time to think deeply about what God wants me to change this year.

This scripture from Galatians is blunt and not easy to hear. If I am trying to win the approval of people, I am not a servant of my Lord and Savior.

Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.
Galatians 1:10

Lord Jesus, put this question on my heart daily. Who am I trying to please?

Anxiety Dreams

January 29, 2023February 12, 2023 by Innermost Being, posted in Random

Last month, I dreamed I was working in downtown Denver. (I worked there about ten years.) I was hurrying down the 16th Street Mall to catch a bus to take me home to the south suburbs. I got on the bus and tried to find a schedule, but there wasn’t one. The bus flew (like a plane) over Coors Field. It flew west of I-25, then headed south. I didn’t recognize the route. Eventually, the flying bus headed east, and I recognized a high school. The bus finally stopped at an office complex. I got off the bus, but I could still see the passengers who stayed on the bus and where they were going. The whole time, I was worried because I had to let my husband know where I was so he could pick me up.

The next night, I dreamed I was in school taking a history test. The teacher warned us to watch our time to make sure we were on track to finish the test. We were given a stack of paper with quotes or statements, and we had to answer whether each statement was true or false. Each page had a one-word clue. When done answering the questions, we were supposed to arrange the clues from the right answers into one long sentence. I was shaking with fear that I wouldn’t finish the test on time. (History is not my best subject.) As I struggled to answer the questions, a few of the other kids were going up to the chalkboard to assemble their words. I couldn’t even tell how much time I had left because every time I looked at my watch, it said the same thing.

I know why I was having stressful dreams. I am an accountant. January is the start of my busy season. I get stressed by the deadlines. My dreams reflect my anxiety.

I have always been fascinated by dreams. I am amazed at how active the brain is when we sleep. Having a couple of stressful dreams in a row got me to wondering about anxiety dreams. In an article about How to Prevent Anxiety Dreams, I learned that when you are stressed, you spend more time in REM sleep, which is when we dream. When you are stressed, your body produces more cortisol.

The article suggested writing anxiety dreams down to help make sense of your thoughts and emotions. Take some deep breaths. Talk to someone. Make a plan. I wrote my dreams down. I told myself, this is temporary. This too, will pass. You’ve been through stressful times at work before and everything got done. Even when things went wrong, you got through them. And I reminded myself that if I needed to, I could put in extra hours on the weekend.

An article about common stress dreams says that stressful dreams can be beneficial. If you dream that you’ve lost something or you’re late or you can’t finish the test, your brain may be rehearsing things that might go wrong. This helps you deal with stress in real life. In a study, students who had stressful dreams did better than those who didn’t.

Writing my dreams down helped process my anxiety. Having a plan and knowing that I have some control over my situation helped me cope with my stress. Having a trusted friend to talk to, even in the middle of the night – that’s even better! Prayer brings a peace that transcends all understanding.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6-7

Just One Thing

January 6, 2023April 9, 2023 by Innermost Being, posted in Spiritual Growth

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
Romans 12:2

Christians should not be like everyone else. Our values and priorities should be different. We should be so changed by salvation, people might even think we’re weird.

In Craig Groeschel’s book Weird: Because Normal Isn’t Working, he wrote about his weird approach to making New Year’s resolutions. He makes only one New Year’s resolution and that resolution is chosen by someone else. He prays constantly as the new year approaches asking how God wants his life to change.

Instead of having good intentions centered on the self, Groeschel says we should have God intentions centered on what God wants.

How do we know what God wants? We can ask God to reveal his intentions for us and listen for his response. Groeschel suggested some questions to help discern God’s will.

1. What one thing do you desire from God?
2. What one thing do you lack?
3. What one thing do you need to let go?
4. What one promise do you need to claim?

I reflected on these questions for a week and they helped clarify God’s intentions for me for the New Year.

The first question is easy for me to answer. More than anything else, I want my husband to have a relationship with Jesus. Last year, I became upset with him when he refused to go to a church dinner with me. I realized I have to let go and let God.

The second question is harder. The Lord is my shepherd. I lack nothing. But is there one thing that keeps me from whole-heartedly following The Good Shepherd? Is there one issue that God keeps putting on my heart?

I felt the Spirit’s conviction when I read what Groeschel had to say about being a people pleaser:

When we place the approval of other people ahead of doing what we know will please our Father, we’re creating a false idol. Not only does it impair our ability to know God, but it also sends us on a wild-goose chase for a golden egg that doesn’t exist.
Craig Groeschel

At times my desire for social approval keeps me from being myself, from freely sharing my faith. I compare myself to people who seem more successful, talented, or adventurous. I envy them. When I let other people define my worth, I conform to the ways of this world. Even worse, I am not being grateful for the unique talents God has given me.

What one thing do I need to let go to live with God-centered intentions? Groeschel suggested that it might be something from the past, perhaps hurts or failures. I think that measuring myself against other people is a sign of lingering self-esteem issues from my childhood.

Finally, what promise do I need to claim? There are so many promises in God’s word, it’s hard to choose one. I claim this promise:

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
Jeremiah 29:11:13

Heavenly Father, forgive me for envying others. This year, I resolve to please You, my Creator, above all others and to reject the world’s standards of worthiness. I am grateful that you gave me unique talents and experiences. I embrace my weirdness. How wonderful it is that you love me and that You have a plan for me!

Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash