Innermost Being Blog

I did not picture myself like this

by Innermost Being, posted in Word Prompts

Is your life today what you pictured a year ago?

As I write this, I am sitting in a special chair with my face down. This is not my normal posture. So no, my life today is not what I pictured a year ago. It is not even what I pictured two months ago!

Two months ago, I was blissfully ignorant about my vision. I knew I wasn’t seeing as well as I used to but didn’t think it was a big deal. At my annual eye examination in November, I found out that I have a form of macular degeneration called retinoschisis. I had vitrectomy surgery on my left eye six days ago, which involves removing the vitreous fluid and placing gas in the eye. To ensure success, I must maintain a facedown posture for a week to keep the glass bubble at the back of my eye.

I had so much anxiety going into this procedure. First, there’s the creepiness of having anyone mess with my eye. Secondly, I’m an active person. How could I stay facedown for a week? I feared that I would get a stiff neck or sore back. Mostly, I worried about the mental and emotional toll it would take on me. I asked friends and family for prayers.

Thankfully, I have not gone stir crazy 😜 yet. I get up for a few minutes every hour. I have gone for a couple of short walks. I entertain myself by reading, listening to audiobooks, watching TV, and playing my daily word games. One of the first things I did was to listen to the first two sections of George Orwell’s 1984 but don’t want to sink further into dystopia (the present is bad enough). I am reading The Firekeepers Daughter (Angeline Boulley) and listening to All the Colors of the Dark (Chris Whitaker).

Sleeping on my stomach has been awkward, but I have been able to sleep. In addition to the chair, I rented a raised horseshoe shaped headrest. My head tends to slip off of it, and I’ve been waking up with earaches. 😴

Today is my last day of “posturing,” but it is not the end of my recovery. The gas bubble will likely take 2-4 weeks to clear. It will take a few months for my vision to stabilize. Currently, all I can see is a blur. It’s like looking through water.

There are life lessons for me in this unexpected challenge. Don’t take any part of my health for granted. Be grateful that my mind is still active and that I have the patience to endure this. Be empathetic because other people are going through much worse situations.

👁 👁 👁

From The Opening Door, a Celtic prayer:

Be blessing my face, Lord;
be blessing my eyes.
May all my eye looks on
be blessed and be bright,
my neighbors, my loved ones
be blessed in Your sight.

Why do we exist?

by Innermost Being, posted in Pursuing God

I am studying Dallas Willard’s book, Life Without Lack: Living in the Fullness of Psalm 23. Psalm 23 depicts God as a shepherd who protects, provides, guides, and cares for his flock. Why does God care for us? Why are there people on earth?

Willard shared a similar question posed by the psalmist.

When I consider your heavens,
    the work of your fingers,
the moon and the stars,
    which you have set in place,
what is mankind that you are mindful of them,
    human beings that you care for them?

Psalm 8:3-5 (NIV)

Indeed, given how insignificant human beings are relative to the universe, why does God care for us? Why does he pay any attention to us?

The psalmist answered his own question.

You made them rulers over the works of your hands;
    you put everything under their feet:
all flocks and herds,
    and the animals of the wild,
the birds in the sky,
    and the fish in the sea,
    all that swim the paths of the seas.

Psalm 8:6-8

Genesis 1:26 says that God made mankind “in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.” God created humans to exercise dominion over the earth. He put other living things and vast natural resources in our hands.

In the beginning, God called everything he created good. And then…mankind fell.

The second chapter of Genesis describes this fall. God put man in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. Then, he created a woman to be his helper. The woman was tempted by the serpent to disobey God; she convinced the man to disobey God as well.

It goes without saying that human beings are not wholly good. We harm each other and our environment. There is so much pain and suffering in the world, and we add to it! Yet even with all the pain and suffering, the good outweighs the bad.

Being in charge of the earth means we have to work. We may think of work as drudgery, but it is good for us to work. Willard quoted Phillips Brooks, an Episcopal clergyman, as saying, “God chose for him his work, and meant for him to put his spiritual education there.”

God is more interested in the person you are becoming than in your work or your job. There was a time in my career when my job was too important to me. I was becoming someone I didn’t want to be. I was stressed out and unhappy. God humbled me and gave me a spiritual education.

Whatever work we do, we should be using our time to produce good. As Willard put it, we can achieve so much more in life if we have God to help us. Without God, we face isolation, antagonism, and the harms caused by excessive pride and egotism.

We were created to have a special relationship with God and to do our work in that relationship.

Dallas Willard

Every human being is precious. Every single one of us, regardless of what we’ve done, regardless of our social status.

What makes us precious? We do not earn our value. We are of God. He breathed the spirit of life into us.

Why does the Lord want to have a special relationship with us? The kind of relationship that a shepherd has with his precious sheep?

  • He knows that we are capable of goodness and faithfulness
  • He knows that we can make a difference in this world by doing good works that glorify him

God wants to have a personal relationship with us. He wants to guide us in paths of righteousness. He wants to shepherd us through difficult journeys. He wants to comfort us and restore our souls.

We exist to love each other as Christ loves us. So live in such a way that people see the goodness in your life and acknowledge God as the source of your goodness.

Finding the courage to use my voice…again

by Innermost Being, posted in Faith and Culture

When I started blogging many years ago, I was an introvert trying to find my voice. Speaking spontaneously is not my strong suit. For years, I kept my mouth shut because I didn’t want to sound stupid. My introverted mind needs time to process my thoughts before I speak. Writing allows me to compose my thoughts and to express myself thoughtfully.

Unfortunately, something besides introversion is now keeping me from freely speaking my mind.

I live in a country that is extremely divided by politics and religious nationalism. Truth has been thrown to the ground. Evil is now called Good. Anyone who speaks out against the Trump regime risks being ridiculed, condemned, alienated, and even threatened.

These days, I often zip my lip to avoid antagonizing Trump supporters. It’s hard because silence in the face of evil is acquiescence at best. Some would say it is complicity.

Building a wall to protect myself

Several months ago, I put MAGA family members on a restricted friends list on Facebook. Restricted friends only see what I choose to make public, which primarily consists of pictures of nature.

I also put friends from church on this list because I don’t know whom I can trust. I have learned that many people who claim to be Christians are easily triggered by any criticisms of Trump.

Church is too often the most risky place to be spiritually honest.

Pete Enns, Author

Why restrict this subset of friends from seeing valid criticisms of Trump and the Republicans who enable him? I know that I will lose friends if I share my opposition to Trump. By building a wall, relationships have remained intact, but the friendships are not deep or genuine.

Ardent Trump supporters only see what they want to see and only hear what they want to hear. Their minds are closed. If I share posts that are critical of the Trump regime, I am unlikely to influence them. They have been misled by the media and by false teachers for years.

Understanding Cognitive Dissonance

I suspect that many MAGA Christians experience cognitive dissonance – the psychological tension caused when a person’s actions are not consistent with their beliefs. For example, if you believe that sexual assault is morally wrong, but you support an adjudicated rapist, your conscience should be troubled. You should feel uncomfortable. If you believe that judging people by the color of their skin is wrong but you support a racist, you should feel ashamed of yourself.

I used to think that when presented with facts, reasonable people would change their minds. I was wrong. Cognitive dissonance causes people to avoid sources of information that increase dissonance and seek sources, including conspiracy theories, that reduce dissonance.

Why is it so hard for Trump’s supporters to admit they are wrong about him? Why do they lie to themselves?

Because most people see themselves as good, smart, ethical and kind, when confronted with evidence that they did something bad, foolish, immoral or cruel, they tend to reduce dissonance not by changing their positive self-concept but by justifying their behavior.

Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson, Brandeis Magazine

Social psychologists Carol Tavris and Elliit Aronson say that “[s]elf-justification is the most common way of reducing dissonance whenever the self-concept is threatened.” When a person is emotionally invested in a movement or cause, they convince themselves that their actions are justified.

Little old me has no hope of getting through to MAGA friends and family. I feel like I have no choice but to separate myself from them. I pray that God will open up their eyes to the truth.

Finding allies

I still occasionally share political or religious posts on social media because I can’t pretend that these are normal times. Since I don’t knowingly share content with ardent Trump supporters anymore, I may be preaching to the choir.

Because there is so much opposition to Trump, I know that I am not alone. Two of my former pastors now speak out against Trump. I ran into a few people from church at the No Kings protests.

I admire the bravery of Christians who speak out frequently, like Amy Hawk, Paul Kahnke, and Jason Chukwuma. Others understanably choose to post anonymously, like a man who calls himself A Country Pastor.

Why do I want to speak out? What are my objectives?

  • demonstrate what it really means to follow Jesus
  • expose religious nationalism as heresy
  • protest against authoritarianism
  • expose corruption and abuses of power

Introversion no longer keeps me from sharing my thoughts. The problem now is that it feels like no one wants to listen. At this point, I lack the courage to risk losing more relationships. Ultimately, I have to be faithful to Christ, so I may eventually need to let these relationships go. I believe that God wants me to use my voice to speak the truth, not just about what I believe, but more importantly, about who He is.

The Lord is my shepherd

by Innermost Being, posted in Pursuing God

I am studying Dallas Willard’s book, Life Without Lack: Living in the Fullness of Psalm 23. The author recommended memorizing the 23rd Psalm. I now recite it to myself when I wake up at night and want to quiet my mind.

The first chapter is about the Lord our God. With our limited minds and senses, we can’t form a complete, realistic conception of God. Jesus Christ, through his example and his teaching, showed us what God is like in a way we can understand.

Our minds are our portal to God

Willard says that the most important thing about you is your mind, and the most important thing about your mind is what you think about. When you keep your mind focused on God, he will make himself known to you.

Willard says that when we are wounded, it may cause us to become self-obsessed. I think human beings are naturally self-centered, whether or not we’ve been injured. There are many things that keep us from thinking about God – pride and selfish ambition, greed, envy, and self-indulgence. Even the concerns of daily life cause us to focus on ourselves.

God’s invisible qualities

God is invisible. But his invisible attributes are made known to us by creation. Through the things he has made, we can see his power, his glory, his creativity, and his intelligence.

For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse.

Romans 1:20

God is personal. He wants to have a relationship with us. He has personality. He thinks. He creates. He values. He feels.

God is energy

The powerful forces of the natural world – the sun, wind, thunder, and lightening – give us just a glimpse of God’s energy. God is energy in a form that is incomprehensible to us because it is so immense.

Willard noted that when the Israelites wandered in the wilderness, God’s presence was made known by a pillar of clouds by day and a pillar of fire by night (Exodus 13:21). John the Baptist said that Jesus would baptize with the Holy Spirit and fire (Luke 3:16).

When we make contact with God, a flow of energy comes to us.

Dallas Willard

When God speaks, his voice is a form of energy that becomes matter. He spoke our world into existence. Jesus turned energy into matter when he multiplied fish and bread to feed thousands of people (Matthew 14). Power flowed from the body of Jesus when he healed a bleeding woman who touched him (Mark 5:25-30).

God’s names

The meaning of the names used for God in the Old Testament reveal truths about who God is. Yahweh means that God brings into existence or causes to be. Elohim refers to his creative strength, power, and majesty. Adonai means my Lord or master. El Shaddai means Almighty God or the All Sufficient One. When Moses asked God what he should say if the Israelites asked, “What is his name?” (Exodus 3), God said I am who I am. The name Immanuel means God with us (Isaiah 7:14).

The Lord’s prayer says, “Hallowed be thy name.” To know God, we must keep these truths about who he is in our minds at all times.

Adonai is my shepherd. I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul.

Immanuel leads me in the paths of righteousness for His name’s sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil. For El Shaddai is with me. Your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

Jesus prepares a table for me in the presence of my enemies. You annoint my head with oil. My cup overflows!

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of Yahweh forever.

Watch out for deceivers

by Innermost Being, posted in Man of Lawlessness

Truth is constantly under attack. Deceivers hide it, bury it, distort it, deny it, and deflect attention away from it. They can’t destroy the truth, but they can make people believe their  lies.

False prophets, false teachers, false apostles, false messiahs

Jesus warned about false prophets and false messiahs. They may look like one of you, but inside, they are like ferocious wolves. You will know them by their fruit. A bad tree can not bear good fruit.

Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly, they are ferocious wolves.

Matthew 7:15

When the disciples asked Jesus about the end times, he warned that even the elect (God’s chosen) might be deceived by false prophets and false messiahs.

For false messiahs and false prophets will appear and perform great signs and wonders to deceive, if possible, even the elect.

Matthew 24:24

Deceit has eternal consequences.

Jesus knew that not everyone who would claim to be his follower is a true disciple. False Christians may fool other people, but they can’t fool Jesus. The danger in pretending to be righteous is that when your time comes, Jesus will say, “Get away from me. I never knew you.” (Matthew 7:23)

The Apostle Paul also warned that people would masquerade as apostles of Christ.

For such people are false apostles, deceitful workers, masquerading as apostles of Christ.

2 Corinthians 11:13

Peter wrote that deceivers will “introduce destructive heresies,” teachings that go against Christ’s teaching. In our times, these heresies include the “prosperity gospel” and religious nationalism.

But there were also false prophets among the people, just as there will be false teachers among you. They will secretly introduce destructive heresies, even denying the sovereign Lord who bought them—bringing swift destruction on themselves.

2 Peter 2:1

The coming of the lawless one

The Apostle Paul warned that the man of lawlessness will be a deceiver. He will exalt himself above everything and everyone. He will oppose everything that God is for.

Don’t let anyone deceive you in any way, for that day will not come until the rebellion occurs and the man of lawlessness is revealed, the man doomed to destruction. He will oppose and will exalt himself over everything that is called God or is worshiped, so that he sets himself up in God’s temple, proclaiming himself to be God.

2 Thessalonians 2:3-4

The lawless one will have many tricks up his sleeve – “all the ways that wickedness deceives those who are perishing.” Those who will perish under his reign will be under a powerful delusion that causes them to believe the lie. There will be something in their character that allows them to be deceived. They won’t love the truth. They will delight in wickedness.

The coming of the lawless one will be in accordance with how Satan works. He will use all sorts of displays of power through signs and wonders that serve the lie, and all the ways that wickedness deceives those who are perishing. They perish because they refused to love the truth and so be saved. For this reason God sends them a powerful delusion so that they will believe the lie and so that all will be condemned who have not believed the truth but have delighted in wickedness.

2 Thessalonians 2:9-12

No one knows when Jesus will return. That is why Jesus told us to keep watch. Be ready now.

A powerful delusion

The prophecy that makes me especially vigilant right now is the powerful delusion that causes people to turn away from the faith. In the last decade, I have seen Christians unashamedly contort themselves to support words and behavior that are anti-Christ. Why can’t they see deceivers for who they are?

Watch out for words and behavior that do not reflect the heart of God. Test the spirits to see whether they are from God. Seek the kingdom of God, not the kingdoms of man.