Tag: self-forgetfulness

The self encompasses everything that makes me a unique individual – my personality, values, and traits. The self is not static; it is always becoming, constantly evolving. Through self-reflection, I seek to understand my weaknesses so that I can become the person God intended me to be.

In Gazing at God, Sharon Hodde Miller wrote about how to free yourself from self-preoccupation so that you can be free to love God and others. One stage in the process of “self-forgetfulness” is receiving or accepting your true self.

What is my true self? My true self is my authentic self, my innermost being. It is distinct from my public, outward persona. It is the self known only to me and my Creator. It encompasses my private thoughts and feelings as well as my values and beliefs. My true self is my spiritual center and the source of my decision-making.

A Christian finds her true self by pursuing Christ. Christ gives me a new identity. I am to take off my old self, corrupted by the sins of selfishness and pride. I am to put on my new self, created to be like Christ, selfless and humble.

You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

Ephesians 4:22-24

To accept my true self as God created me to be, I must stop trying to prove that I am worthy. I am worthy. I am wholly accepted and loved, just as I am, by the One who really matters.

The truest thing about you is that you are loved by God.

Sharon Hodde Miller

How would I describe my true self? I am an introvert who learned to be more self-confident in social situations. I am intelligent, conscientious, independent, and determined to get things right. I care about justice and truth. I love other people. I love animals and nature. I am kind, faithful, and gentle. I love God. I am loved by God.

My true self also has many flaws. I can be judgmental. I can be impatient and inconsiderate. I gossip! I worry too much about what other people think and seek their approval.

I accept my true self. I am wonderfully made! But I recognize that I have a false self. That false self stays silent when she has something important to say because she wants social approval. She avoids conflict. She misses out on opportunities to share her faith.

Faith in God is the most important part of my identity. When I seek the approval of people, I misplace my identity. Dying to myself means crucifying the desires that conflict with God’s will. It means crucifying the false self.

Jesus was the perfect example of living a selfless life for the glory of God. He testified to the truth, knowing that the religious leaders would not approve. They questioned his identity, but he knew who he was.

Lord, thank you for loving me unconditionally. Guide my words and my actions. Give me the courage to share my faith without fear. Thank you, Teacher, for showing me the way to live a life that is pleasing to God. Amen.

I am reading the book Gazing at God: A 40-day Journey to Greater Freedom from Self  by Sharon Hodde Miller. Miller divides the journey to self-forgetfulness into five stages, the first of which is, ironically, noticing the self.

The point of forgetting the self (or becoming less preoccupied with the self) is gaining freedom to love God and other people.

I am not putting a 40-day time limit on my journey because I practically have to force myself to set aside time for self reflection.

Miller asks probing questions to help the reader examine what is going on inside.

Why am I insecure?

Am I basing my identity on something insecure?

Is my self-worth based on my performance?

Do I expect others to heal what only God can heal?

Sometimes, self-focus is a sign that some part of our self is wounded and in need of care, which means we can not be free of self-focus until we attend to the pain that is causing it.

Are my words centered on myself?

Are there any recurring scripts in my story?

Whenever there is ambiguity in my relationships, do I make assumptions to fill in the gaps? Am I trying to read minds?

Do I automatically assume that someone else’s behavior is about me?

Are there areas of my life where I focus too much on myself due to vanity, pride, or selfishness?

Where am I tempted to anchor my identity?

What are some of the defense mechanisms of my false self? (The false self is a facade we use to hide our weaknesses and limitations.)

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As a young child, I was very shy and self-conscious and uncomfortable in social situations. As I grew up, I gradually became more self-confident and less anxious.

I wish I could say that I have no insecurities today. At times, I feel inadequate. I still worry about not being accepted or liked. Sometimes, I make assumptions about what other people think of me.

Yet, my identity is not based on anything insecure. I am a child of God. I am a wife, a sister, a friend, and a volunteer. I am an intelligent person with a variety of interests.

I have noticed that I let what other people might think of me keep me from expressing myself authentically. Being preoccupied with social approval keeps me from being the brave person God wants me to be.

When I think about how far I’ve come and how much self-confidence I’ve gained in the process, it seems crazy that I still feel the least bit insecure. I have not forgotten the hurts of childhood. Perhaps I expect other people to make me feel better.

Lord, thank you for loving me just as I am. When I doubt my worth, remind me that I am precious in your sight. Help me to forget my old wounds. You have made me strong and courageous. Amen. 💔