Tag: Despair

The Middle Way

On By Innermost BeingIn Pursuing GodLeave a comment

Recently, my pastor shared a quote from Blaise Pascal. The quote I found online at Good Reads was translated differently:

The knowledge of God without that of man’s misery causes pride. The knowledge of man’s misery without that of God causes despair. The knowledge of Jesus Christ is the middle course, because in Him we find both God and our misery.

Blaise Pascal

In the version shared by my pastor, the word ‘wretchedness’ was used in place of the word ‘misery.’ For me to better understand the quote, I have to make it more wordy.

The knowledge of God without knowledge of your wretchedness results in pride. The knowledge of your wretchedness without knowledge of God causes despair. The knowledge of Jesus Christ is the middle way because in Him we find both God and the cure for our wretchedness.

The knowledge of God without knowledge of your wretchedness results in pride.

The first part of the quote makes me think of two types of people. One type is the person who says things like, “I’m a good person. I’ve made mistakes but I’m doing fine on my own. I don’t need religion. I don’t need to be saved.” This person uses other people as their measure of goodness. When talk of religion comes up, this person may bring up the second type – the religious hypocrite.

The word ‘hypocrite’ comes from the Greek word ‘hypokrites,’ meaning ‘an actor.’ The religious hypocrite has knowledge of the Ten Commandments and religious virtues but lacks knowledge of their own wretchedness. They are self-righteous and self-important, pious, holier-than-thou. They make a display of their good works. They look down on and condemn other sinners.

Both types of people are relying on themselves to earn salvation. Thinking you are morally superior to others is a form of pride. But anyone who does not acknowledge their own sinfulness in relation to God is using a false measure of righteousness. The proper measure of righteousness is not other people. The right measure is God. We all fall miserably short of our glorious, holy Father.

The knowledge of your wretchedness without knowledge of God causes despair.

The second sentence makes me think about people who compare themselves to others and conclude that they are inferior, unworthy of love. They may even say, “I’m a bad person. I’m a failure.” Perhaps they have been criticized and verbally abused by others so much that they have no self-esteem. They feel remorse for their mistakes and wish they could undo them. They feel wretched. They can’t stop thinking about the things they have done wrong.

The person who has knowledge of their wretchedness but no knowledge of God may feel hopeless, especially if they have never been shown grace. They know that they can’t earn their way to salvation. They know they don’t deserve to be forgiven.

Jesus is the middle way.

In Jesus, we find both God and the cure for our wretchedness. Many people have knowledge of God but they don’t know God. Jesus shows us who God is because He is “the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation…For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross.”

Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.  If you really know me, you will know my Father as well. From now on, you do know him and have seen him.”

John 14:6-7

My sinfulness created a vast canyon between me and God. Jesus is the bridge between us. Jesus makes it possible for me to have a personal relationship with God.

Jesus taught me that God’s commands are more than a list of do’s and don’ts. God’s commands are about love. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.

Jesus pushes me to be a better person than I would be if I just followed the Ten Commandments. Love your enemies. Bless those who curse you. Turn the other check.

Jesus taught me that the contents of my heart are just as important as my behavior. For out of the heart come evil thoughts—murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander. These are what defile a person; but eating with unwashed hands does not defile them.

Jesus sees right through hypocrisy and condemns it. Do not do what they do for they do not practice what they preach. Everything they do is done for people to see.

Jesus taught me that God has compassion for sinners, for the outcast, for the least among us.

Jesus taught me that God rejoices when the lost are found. Even in our wretchedness, we are as precious to Him as rare pearls.

Lord Jesus, you are the way and the truth and the light. You are the cure for my wretchedness. Thank you for saving a wretch like me. In you, I see God and know His love and mercy.

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Matthew 5

Matthew 22:37-40

Luke 15

Colossians 1:15-22

Photo by Stephen Walker on Unsplash

Where is the hope?

On By Innermost BeingIn Faith and CultureLeave a comment

The last time I went to my Bible study, a woman in my group handed me a book, With Her Last Breath, written by the Director of Caring Ministry at our church, Barbara M. Roberts. The book is about the suicide of Roberts’ niece Kathy and includes images of the 26-page journal that Kathy wrote in the last 36 hours or so of her life. Which each page of the journal, Roberts provides advice to those who struggle with suicidal thoughts and to those who walk beside them.

Another friend couldn’t bring herself to finish the book because it reminded her too much of a struggling family member. It is hard to read about people who are suicidal, but I wanted to learn how to recognize when someone needs help and how to uplift and support those who have lost all hope as Kathy did.

Hope and despair

Hope and despair are polar opposites so we may think they are mutually exclusive emotions. But as Roberts wrote, hope and despair are often intertwined. We can feel both at the same time. We all experience ups and downs in this life and it can be really hard to hold onto your hope.

Even youths grow tired and weary,
    and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the Lord
    will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
    they will run and not grow weary,
    they will walk and not be faint.

Isaiah 40: 31-32

Kathy believed in God but her life on this earth had become so unbearable due to health issues and loneliness that she felt she had no hope – except in the promise of heaven. She believed that killing herself was against God’s will but suicide was the only way she knew to escape her pain and torment. She hoped that God would forgive her.

At the time of her death, Kathy was just a few months older than I am now. She had COPD and was living on disability benefits. She rarely left her apartment. She had lost the one person in her life who was her support system.

In leaving a journal behind, Kathy provided a glimpse into the mind of a suicidal person. She wrote that she couldn’t take it anymore. She was tired of everything being so hard. She felt like she was in a living hell. She had never felt so alone and in the dark. Each day was worse than the one before. It had become hard to just exist. She wished that she could find one good reason to live. She could hardly breathe. She wondered what God wanted of her. She wondered, if God wanted her to live, why her life had been reduced to misery and suffering.

Empathy and understanding

I have not experienced the physical suffering that made Kathy’s life intolerable. But I have been through trying situations that have nearly broken my spirit. I have experienced feelings of despair, anguish, and hopelessness. In my lowest moments, I cried out to God – I begged God – please help me! I can’t take this anymore. And in those dark moments, I even said words to my Maker that I didn’t really mean. I want to die. Thankfully, I knew that God was with me. He lifted my burdens. He pulled me through.

I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
    where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord,
   the Maker of heaven and earth.

Psalm 121:1-2

In reading Kathy’s journal, I found myself wondering why she didn’t ask God to help her. I believe that if she had asked, God would have put the right people in her life to ease her loneliness and suffering. But as Roberts wrote, “Sometimes people do not use the way out that God provides but rather choose their own solution.” Kathy didn’t ask God for a way out. She chose her own way out of suffering and knew that she could not ask God to help her commit suicide. It is easy to judge Kathy for the decision she made. But I know from my own experience, when you are really depressed, your thoughts are not the most rational.

Kathy rightly noted that no one else was qualified to judge her. No one else knew what her life, the life she described as a living hell, was doing to her. I can only imagine how hopeless I would have felt in my own struggles if I had not had a social support system, if I had not had people who depended on me, if I had not had reasons to go on.

God redeems our own times of suffering by allowing us to come alongside others in their suffering. This, of course, is based upon the assumption that others are honest about their struggles.

Barbara M. Roberts, With Her Last Breath

Helping the hurting

I wrote a bit about my own struggles with despair. I have also struggled to be a good helper of the hurting. A few times in my 32-year marriage, my husband got very depressed and it was really, really hard for me to deal with. He isolated himself. He wouldn’t talk to me or anyone else. I felt ill equipped to help him through it. So I did the only thing I knew to do. I stayed with him and I prayed for him.

Roberts wrote that unlike other obvious injuries, the hurt of a broken heart is hidden. You don’t have to be a skilled healer or gifted counselor to help. Just being available to listen and to walk alongside the person helps the hurting.

It is an amazing gift of God’s grace that the kind of expertise needed for the broken heart comes from those God has placed in our lives whose skill set includes love, availability, listening and just simply being a fellow journeyer willing to travel with us.

Barbara M. Roberts, With Her Last Breath

How can you be a supportive fellow journeyer in this thing called life? How can you help others find hope?

  1. Be fully present and attentive.
  2. Listen without interrupting.
  3. Communicate your caring and support.
  4. Take the person’s concerns seriously.
  5. Don’t minimize their suffering.
  6. Don’t be pushy or judgmental.
  7. Keep the person’s confidence but get help, if you are really worried.

Dear Lord, please help those who are struggling right now with feelings of despair and hopelessness. Wrap your loving arms around them. Let them know that they are not alone. Help me to be a light in the darkness. Help me to be available where I am needed, help me to listen, help me to love.

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Photo by Joshua Rawson-Harris on Unsplash