I am reading the book Gazing at God: A 40-day Journey to Greater Freedom from Self by Sharon Hodde Miller. Miller divides the journey to self-forgetfulness into five stages, the first of which is, ironically, noticing the self.
The point of forgetting the self (or becoming less preoccupied with the self) is gaining freedom to love God and other people.
I am not putting a 40-day time limit on my journey because I practically have to force myself to set aside time for self reflection.
Miller asks probing questions to help the reader examine what is going on inside.
Why am I insecure?
Am I basing my identity on something insecure?
Is my self-worth based on my performance?
Do I expect others to heal what only God can heal?
Sometimes, self-focus is a sign that some part of our self is wounded and in need of care, which means we can not be free of self-focus until we attend to the pain that is causing it.
Are my words centered on myself?
Are there any recurring scripts in my story?
Whenever there is ambiguity in my relationships, do I make assumptions to fill in the gaps? Am I trying to read minds?
Do I automatically assume that someone else’s behavior is about me?
Are there areas of my life where I focus too much on myself due to vanity, pride, or selfishness?
Where am I tempted to anchor my identity?
What are some of the defense mechanisms of my false self? (The false self is a facade we use to hide our weaknesses and limitations.)
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As a young child, I was very shy and self-conscious and uncomfortable in social situations. As I grew up, I gradually became more self-confident and less anxious.
I wish I could say that I have no insecurities today. At times, I feel inadequate. I still worry about not being accepted or liked. Sometimes, I make assumptions about what other people think of me.
Yet, my identity is not based on anything insecure. I am a child of God. I am a wife, a sister, a friend, and a volunteer. I am an intelligent person with a variety of interests.
I have noticed that I let what other people might think of me keep me from expressing myself authentically. Being preoccupied with social approval keeps me from being the brave person God wants me to be.
When I think about how far I’ve come and how much self-confidence I’ve gained in the process, it seems crazy that I still feel the least bit insecure. I have not forgotten the hurts of childhood. Perhaps I expect other people to make me feel better.
Lord, thank you for loving me just as I am. When I doubt my worth, remind me that I am precious in your sight. Help me to forget my old wounds. You have made me strong and courageous. Amen. 💔
Innermost Being 